BUMPER "SNICKERS"

Back in the 1970's (Wow! That was the last century!) bumper stickers were trendy. You rarely see any bumper stickers these days, for 2 reasons. The first is that trends come and go and secondly, today's autos don't have metal bumpers any more and people are afraid that peeling off old bumper stickers will take the paint off their vehicles. Among the reasons why I like Jeep Wranglers and pickup trucks is that they have steel frames underneath them and real steel bumpers that are just perfect for sticking bumper stickers on.

 

I remember that the bumper stickers in the 1970's were made of paper and trying to get them off was pretty much impossible. There were always pieces of them and the "sticky stuff" left on the bumper no matter how much you scrapped. These days all the bumper stickers are made of plastic (isn't everything these days) and they come off quite easily. However, in spite of this and for the reasons I have previously stated, you don't see a massive proliferation of bumper stickers these days. However, that's about to change. I recently have applied 2 bumper stickers on my Jeep. I never follow trends, I start them! I'd be willing to bet, if I were a betting man, that when people see the 2 bumper stickers I have on the Jeep, that I will resurrect the bumper sticker trend of the 1970's. Just wait and see. After years of careful observation, I know its human nature to follow trends. My nature never has been to follow trends because as any of you would affirm, my nature isn't human. I could give several examples of things that I have done first and then observed other people doing it too, which is always a source of much amusement for me. I will share some of my subtle tricks that you can also do to amuse yourself too. When it comes to messing with other people's minds, I am indeed a master. It is a good thing for humanity that I've harnessed this great ability for peaceful and innocuous purposes. Oh well, that's a subject for another time...

 

These days, the closest thing to bumper stickers are all the "Vanity License Plates" one sees all over the place. For example some of the one's I have seen over the years are: "MY TOY", "BCNU", "A 1 JEEP" (Oh wait, that's on MY vehicle). Other ones are words and names without vowels since the maximum letters for a vanity plate is 8 including spaces.

 

The only rare exceptions these days are a few political bumper stickers that never are removed even long after the election is over. Now and then I still see a faded "Gore/Lieberman" bumper sticker. These cause me great agony! I can't bear to look at them! Now the ones with Bush/Cheney are very delightful to look at and "make my day"! However, I rarely if ever see any very old Bush/Cheney ones, just the "Gore/Lieberman" ones, which proves that Democrats are not in touch with reality.

 

When I was a kid, I don't recall ever seeing any bumper stickers on any vehicle. Apparently they weren't invented until the 1970's. You would have thought that during the 1960's you would have at least seen a few bumper stickers that said, "Khrushchev is a Jerk" or something. Even earlier in the mid 1940's after World War 2, they missed a golden opportunity for bumper stickers such as: "Hey you Japs! We got caught sleeping at Pearl Harbor, but we woke up and made one heck of a bomb!" or "Hitler is burned up that he lost the war". On the other hand, to put it in a contemporary context. "Hey Saddam! We are winning the war in Iraq! Why are you still hanging around?" Other bumper sticker subjects could be: "Hey I'm Schizophrenic too. That makes 4 of us!" Or how about: "Put a Freeze on the Global Warming Myth". How about:, "Manic Depressives are always high. No, always  low. No, always high. No ..." I have one I'm going to design for a 3rd bumper sticker on my Jeep: "Growing Old is Mandatory – Growing Up is Optional".  They could have had wagon bumper stickers in the old days too. Custer could have had one on the back of the 7th Cavalry's chuck wagon that said:  "Indians are spineless jerks". Or "I don't brake for Indians". Or, "Who's afraid of a few friendly Indians? Wyatt Earp missed the chance to have a bumper sticker on the rump of his horse that said, "Where's the OK Corral?"

 

Well, if you have read all of this so far and haven't wagged your head and gone off to some other more exciting site like www.watchpaintdry.com, I'll give you a few more bumper sticker ideas that I came up with on the spur of the moment for when they become popular again thanks to me.

 

"I don't need to learn Lincoln's Gettysburg address – He moved to Bayonne, New Jersey"

"Casey Jones had a one track mind"

"You can trust morticians – They're the last to let you down"

"Everyone likes beef – Even Salem witches get hot stakes"

"See the new Lizzie Borden play- it has 3 ax"

"Dracula went batty"

"Frankenstein is electrifying"

"Cemeteries are popular – people are dying to get in"

"Come and visit Quicksand Park – One way tours arranged"

"Support PETA – Adopt a homeless cockroach"

"Authors - visit your local landfill and write a trashy novel"

" Prove gravity works - Jump off a tall building"

"Astronauts are spaced out"

"Kyds noww daze cin't spel"

"Caution – I don't brake for Democrats"

"Ban cell phones- Call my cell number 1-555-BAN-CELLS to protest"

"If you’re a Democrat don’t forget to vote on Sunday August 32nd"

"I'm in no hurry – I'm retired – so either pass me or GET OFF MY TAIL!"

"Please don't notice me – I'm hauling illegal drugs"

"Caution – Blind person aboard – Guide dog is driving"

"Prevent road rage or I'll run you off the road"

"Where is Mike's medication?"

"Keep bad drivers off the road and on the sidewalk where they belong"

"Sane people unite – ban Mike from the Internet"

"Crazed mathematicians add up to trouble"

"Please pardon my sudden quick departure – I'm an amoeba and I have to split"

"Caution – Midget driver – watch for short stops"

"I am a physician on my way to my office with patients waiting – please direct me to the nearest golf course"

"Liberals unite! – Free Benedict Arnold!"

"My Teflon Company went bankrupt – I just can't stick to anything"

 

All right, this is enough for now. I can think up many more original ones, but my fingers are starting to get tired and you are no doubt getting tired reading all these. I know I  sure am!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HERE ARE THE BUMPER STICKERS I RECENTLY APPLIED TO MY JEEP
THIS IS THE REASON I AM STARTING THE TREND OF BUMPER STICKERS AGAIN, SINCE AS YOU CAN SEE, VANITY PLATES JUST WON'T WORK FOR LONG MESSAGES
BELOW ARE A FEW BUMPER STICKERS THAT I HAVE DESIGNED THAT ARE "ON THE DRAWING BOARD"
LASTLY, BUT NOT LEASTLY, BELOW IS THE ONE THAT IS SURE TO BECOME THE BIGGEST MOST POPULAR BEST SELLER: