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An Official Petition to Bring Back Raspberry Kool-Aid. Sponsored by CTBBRK (The Coalition to Bring Back Raspberry Kool-Aid) M.
Tillinghast, Founder, Director, President, Chairman of the Board, Vice President, Treasurer,
Secretary, Janitor, Sergeant-At Arms, Charter Member, Newsletter Editor, Newsletter Printer, Petition Writer, Head Consultant, and everything else since I
am the only member. Whereas In the good
old days Kool-Aid had great tasting flavors To wit: Raspberry. Whereas: Kool-Aid has
sold out and mindlessly followed the current trend of substituting traditional
flavors with the modern new ones that taste terrible. Because of this trend,
all things are coming out with weird terrible tasting flavors. To wit: Green
Apple, Rotten Apple, Road Apple, Watermelon, Banana, Kumquat, Fruit Punch,
Rabbit Punch, Paper Punch, Osage Orange, Orange Rind, Elderberry, Halle Berry, Fruit
Cake, Ammonia, Burned Spaghetti, Beef
Tongue, Shoe Tongue, Hot Pepper, Cold Coffee, Pumpkin Seed, Crabgrass seed,
etc. Whereas: We the
undersigned demand that Kool-Aid and all the rest of the candy makers
immediately cease and desist with all the trendy, weird flavors and return to
the traditional flavors that were good. To Wit: Orange, Lime, Cherry, Lemon, and
Raspberry. (But not pineapple flavored Life Savers) Name: Address: Political
Party Affiliation ____
Conservative Republican ____
Liberal (Liberal Democrats need not complete this petition because your views
don't make any rational sense) When you have
completed this petition, please mail it to the following address: CTBBRK The Coalition
to Bring Back Raspberry Kool-Aid PO Box
297330714824-A Possum Breath,
MO 69163 For additional copies of this petition use your office copy machine and company materials and postage to mail it to us. For additional
information log in at our official website: www.thecoalitiontobringbackraspberrykoolaid.com You may
contact us at the following: Phone 1-800-GET-BENT
(Please leave a message on the automated computer generated voice mail with the
Middle Eastern accent.) Email: thecoalitiontobringbackraspberrykoolaid@tmail.com You can help
us further by requesting a petition from our sister organization
TCTBBWPDCBRKTBIT (The Coalition To
Bring Back Wax Paper Dixie Cups Because Raspberry Kool-Aid Tastes Better In
Them.) Printed in the USA with petroleum based ink on paper
from virgin forests |