| Although both Tim and I have always liked sports, we have never been very good at them. The one "sport" exception Tim was and is good at is playing cards. (I've always been good at "playing" the radio or T.V.). I'm not a gambler, but if I was, and was ever again invited to a poker game, I'd just decline and pay ahead of time to avoid the humiliation. When we were in high school we played poker a lot with our smoking pals. We usually played for matchsticks (never money). By early in the game, I had to stop smoking since I didn't have any matches to light my cigarette! Later on in the Navy, I would be banned from playing ANY MONEY card game that relied on partners! Although, for any poker games I was actively sought out and ALWAYS welcome to play. (I was very popular in those days)! The following selected (of many) examples from my experiences of High School sports will illustrate my past sports encounters. At various times throughout high school I "went out" for various sports for 3 basic reasons: To "prove my manhood", to get Uncle Ned off my back about sports participation, and to impress the "chicks" in my endless and totally unsuccessful quest to satiate my "hormone overdrive". As you will see, I failed in all counts. One year I "signed up" for football. I took the form to our local Doctor for my football "physical", which consisted of the Doc listening to my heart for about 3 seconds with his stethoscope (that I'm SURE he always stored in dry ice), then him saying, "Turn your head and cough". Immediately after, even before I zipped and buttoned my jeans, he put his unreadable scribble signature on the form and I was "instantly physically qualified" to play football, "cough" and all! The next day after school the first thing I did was to report to "The Cage" where all the football equipment and uniforms were stored and issued. All the "regular" guys who had been playing football since infancy were ahead of me in line and they got all the new uniforms and equipment with the school colors of orange and black. By the time I got to "The Cage", all that was left was an old green sweatshirt, a pair a faded tan pants, and an OLD black LEATHER helmet with a pair of white dice painted on the front. This stuff was so old that it probably preceeded Knute Rockne! Everything, of course, was way too big. I nevertheless milled around the locker room waiting to run out to the athletic field in my first ever attempt to be a "Berlin Tiger"! I stumbled out to the athletic field when the coach gave the "Let's Go" call. I was way behind all the regulars and got to the field eventually. The first thing I found myself in line for was the tackling dummy station. This was a stuffed dummy that hung on a rope anchored by a bucket full of concrete. We were supposed to tackle it so the bucket would rise to the top of the pulley. When my turn came, I ran up to it at full speed "growling like a tiger" as I was told and when I hit it, I just bounced off it! After what seemed like HOURS of physical and emotional abuse and torture, a whistle blew and the redeeming sound of, "Hit the showers" blasted forth! This time I LED the pack getting OFF the field! After a quick group shower, Ala' German Concentration Camp style, and getting "snapped" by countless towels, then "painted" all over by all the guys with a "brown foul smelling anti-fungous liquid", then getting dusted from head to toe with athlete's foot powder, again by all the guys, I came to the rapid conclusion that maybe football wasn't for me! I decided to continue my "quest to manhood" in basketball since I was and am tall and skinny. After the EXACT SAME physical, I was "instantly signed up" for basketball (cough and all)! Another "first practice" and we "hit the court". This time I wasn't dead last since the court was just upstairs from the locker room. So far so good... After running 100 laps around the court, even my hyper active manic energy started to fail me! We all threw basketballs around and did lay ups and so forth. Then the coach came TO ME and wanted to "check me out with a play"! YIPPEE! This was my big chance to show that I could "do sports" and make Uncle Ned (and especially all the girls) proud of me! He explained what he wanted me to do then gave me the ball and said, "OK, do it just like I explained". I took the ball and for once in my life flawlessly executed the play, and EVEN MADE A BASKET with the lay up shot! I immediately very excitedly looked back at the coach and he motioned for me to come to him. When I got to him he said, "Tillinghast, that was really good... for a FOOTBALL play"! (In my excitement to do a "real play" for the first time in my life, I had forgotten to dribble the ball! After practice and my total body application of a "2nd coat" of brown anti-fungous liquid and total dusting of athlete's foot power by all the other guys, I figured basketball wasn't my thing either! When the season arrived, I figured I could run fast so I went out for Track in my Junior Year. Another "carbon-copy" physical (and my persistent cough), and I was once again in the shower room getting dressed in sweatpants and shirt while looking around to see if maybe JUST THIS ONCE the brown liquid and white powder containers would be empty! They wern't, so I figured this would be my LAST chance to make good! After the first practice, we hit the showers and this time there was NO 3rd COAT of liquid and powder! "SO FAR SO GOOD", I thought! I think what saved me this time was that everyone was scattered doing thier "own thing" I didn't know what to do, so I just "ran around" every now and then and "looked busy". After a few days we met on the bleachers and I was ACTUALLY IN a Team picture! (CLICK HERE TO SEE IT!) Shortly After a few more practices and "faking my way through", we all of a sudden had our first Track Meet! It was an "Away Game" too and I was really nervous! I got on the bus and we were on our way! WOW! my FIRST ever sport participation! I was really excited but nervous since I didn't know what I was supposed to do when we got there! I was immediately called to "get ready for the 440"! I remember getting down into one of those metal off-center feet things I saw the other guys doing at practice. I think these things were designed to give you an "Instant blurry speed of light take off like in the cartoons". CONTINUED... |
