“SWORD” FIGHTS

 

At the outset I would hasten to mention that these accounts have ABSOLUTLY nothing to do with any “kinky” stuff.  They are just some amusing “Tinkle” stories describing some of the amusing things Tim and I did when we were kids. It’s simply an example of “boys will be boys”. It was “normal” behavior for us. My Urologist likes to hear these stories but my Psychiatrist tries to analyze them for any “hidden” meanings. (There isn’t any as far as I’m concerned since “boys will be boys”).  Every time I bring this subject up, he always asks me about my early potty training. I’m convinced that Psychiatrists think all the evil in the world is the result of potty training too early. At my age, my prostate gland is so enlarged it’s a wonder I can “tinkle” at all! I’m sure my psychiatrist would say that I’m looking back on my childhood when I could “tinkle” like a fire hose. J  It seemed like everytime Tim and I had “to go” we would both feel the urge at the same time. This probably has something to do with the psychology of twins or something.  When we tinkled together we would have what we called a “sword fight” which consisted of us repeatedly crossing our “streams” and hitting them together causing the “tinkle” to go all over the place.  (Hmmm, I’ve never used the word “tinkle” as a noun before nor have I ever heard anyone else use it this way either) NEVER can I remember any of us ever putting the seat up on the “john” while tinkling. It seemed like the seat was always wet! Other “tinkling games” we played was to tinkle out of the upper barn window, which was about 50 feet high. (Click here to see a pic of  the barn window)  After we finished, the stream would keep on going in the air until all of it hit the ground. We were always amused by this phenomenon. Another place we always did this was at the “Parmenter Hill Bridge” on Berlin Road. Actually, ANY high place we were around we usually did this. At our age we didn’t care who saw us in a passing car or any place else for that matter! I guess you have to be older before you start practicing discretion, because as kids, we sure never had any! Other times, if we were “going by ourselves” we would often stand up on top of the dresser that was by the “john” and go from there from a “mini” height. This, of course, would, as usual, always get the top of the seat wet since we never put it up anyway, as well as the floor. Another place I “tinkled” was in my bed. I did this until I was 16! No wonder my legs and thighs still have “wrinkle scars” on them. Only 1% of all kids still wet the bed at the age of 16. I’m surprised my doctor didn’t give me a button to wear on my shirt that said “1%” on it. At least I was part of an elite group and gave new meaning to the term “wet blanket”. I was worried about my bedwetting problem because I wanted to go into the military when I graduated from High School at age 17, I finally did quit wetting the bed during the age of 16. (Whew, that was close!). I wanted to go into the Marine Corps but being under 18, my mother would have to sign a permission form. She refused to do this and said she did not want me to go into the Marine Corps! She said, however, she would sign for me to go into the Navy. I readily agreed to this (since I was used to being wet for the last 16 years anyway). One thing I like about being a guy (including the fact that I have a very low pain tolerance and am thankful men can’t have babies) is that we men can tinkle just about anywhere we want (women seem to envy and be jealous of this). All we need is a big tree or something. Well, anywhere but off a bridge. Although I’ve been known to still do this but only after I’ve made sure there’s no one around driving on the road or anywhere else for that matter! I guess somewhere along the line I finally acquired discretion. At least in this area. Another amusing account on this subject was that one night Tim, Tom and I were on our way home after “Buzzing the Ave.” in Sandusky. Now that I look back, “Buzzing the Ave.” served no useful purpose other than driving around and around, looking cool, trying to impress ANY girl, and wasting gasoline. Of course I’m looking at it now from an adult point of view, which I’m sure that all of our parents felt the same way about it then. On the way home we all had to tinkle which not only was the psychology of twins, but apparently also when men are in a group. (Hmmm, I thought only women were like this). When we could no longer hold it, we stopped at a gas station in Huron; the station was closed since it was in the middle of the night. Before we could “get down to business”, a Huron policeman (I detest the word “Cop”) pulled in behind us to see why we had stopped there at that time of night. We said we had to “Take a leak really bad”! He said in a joking matter, “I sure wouldn’t want to have to run all of you in for indecent exposure!” Well, as soon as he left (I think being a guy he cut us a break) we finally “got to go”. I remember the long stream we each made on the black top parking lot of the gas station. To this day, when I go past that same gas station, I still think about that night! I always hoped the guy that owned it had flood insurance! I hope this story has “wetted” your appetite for more. I could write 288 stories about this subject, but that would be “2” gross! J Besides, I’d better stop writing about this subject before someone gets really “P.O.ed”!