telephonies

TELE ”PHONIES”

Like most kids, we had our share of “phone fun” in our youth. The art of “phone fun” is a rapidly vanishing past time in these days of caller I.D., but back when we were kids it was one of our main past times in “destructive behavior”. I’m sure that’s why on many occasions our parents would ask us to, “Do something constructive for a change”! Most of the time we would just dial any random number and usually get someone, although we had no idea who. We would then use the “standard dialog” of the time, and ask whoever answered, “Is your refrigerator running”? When they would say, “Yes,” we would then reply, “Well, you’d better go catch it”! At other times we would look up the number for a store and ask, “Do you have Prince Albert in the can”? Oddly enough, most of the time the clerk would say, “Yes, but we’re not going to let him out today”. This answer always left us surprised; it was as if they had heard this before! Alas, the self-centered ego driven world of a kid! Our Uncle Ned would sometimes answer the phone in, shall I say, an inebriated state, and announce that the caller had reached such places as “Jake’s Livery Stable”. Such was the announcement one time when the caller happened to be the president of the Citizen’s National Bank where our mother was employed at the time! WOW, I can still vividly remember how embarrassed she was as she repeatedly apologized for Uncle Ned’s boorish behavior! I can still remember some of the 4 digit phone numbers at the time. Our number was 2323 and the Berlin Hts. Fire Dept. was 3131. Our mother’s best girl friend’s number was 2419. In the early days, we had the unfortunate fate of being on a “party” line. I doubt there is such a thing today, but back then it was very common for rural areas like ours. In order to identify which residence was getting a call, different “rings” were used. For example, our “ring” was all “long rings.” If it was a series of “short rings,” then it was for someone else on the “party” line. I remember when the phone would ring and one of us kids would run to answer it (after all, it could have been a call for “Jake’s Livery Stable”, or something), and the rest of us would yell, “That’s not our ring”! Once and a while we would answer the wrong “ring” and would have to politely say that so and so isn’t here. One of the main problems with a “party” line is that it seemed that every time you wanted to make a call, someone was always “on the line.” You would repeatedly pick up the receiver and hear bits of “news” about who was dating who, some of the endless faults of someone’s husband, how much shortening to use in a cake, updates on “potty training”, etc., etc. There were times, however, when this was very providential, since this probably prevented me from being “sent to the Children’s Home”! When we were older and wanted to hear some “juicy tidbits of gossip,” we would slide a finger under the receiver and unscrew the “talk part” of the receiver and very slowly release the “stem.” This was a real art and sometimes if you didn’t do it perfectly, the people on the line would hear the telltale “click” and very angrily yell, “Get off the line”! Depending on who it was, it would be followed by numerous dire threats and other phrases containing a large variety of profanity and statements doubting our parents’ marital status when we were born! We had a way to take revenge in response to the false statements about our parents. If you positioned the “stem” just right, it would produce a very shrill “squeal” on the line! As I look back, I wonder how many hearing aids had to be purchased in those days by our “party” line inhabitants, heh heh! We sure were “little devils” weren’t we!



	TELE ”PHONIES” TELE ”PHONIES” Like most kids, we had our share of “phone fun” in our youth. The art of “phone fun” is a rapidly vanishing past time in these days of caller I.D., but back when we were kids it was one of our main past times in “destructive behavior”. I’m sure that’s why on many occasions our parents would ask us to, “Do something constructive for a change”! Most of the time we would just dial any random number and usually get someone, although we had no idea who. We would then use the “standard dialog” of the time, and ask whoever answered, “Is your refrigerator running”? When they would say, “Yes,” we would then reply, “Well, you’d better go catch it”! At other times we would look up the number for a store and ask, “Do you have Prince Albert in the can”? Oddly enough, most of the time the clerk would say, “Yes, but we’re not going to let him out today”. This answer always left us surprised; it was as if they had heard this before! Alas, the self-centered ego driven world of a kid! Our Uncle Ned would sometimes answer the phone in, shall I say, an inebriated state, and announce that the caller had reached such places as “Jake’s Livery Stable”. Such was the announcement one time when the caller happened to be the president of the Citizen’s National Bank where our mother was employed at the time! WOW, I can still vividly remember how embarrassed she was as she repeatedly apologized for Uncle Ned’s boorish behavior! I can still remember some of the 4 digit phone numbers at the time. Our number was 2323 and the Berlin Hts. Fire Dept. was 3131. Our mother’s best girl friend’s number was 2419. In the early days, we had the unfortunate fate of being on a “party” line. I doubt there is such a thing today, but back then it was very common for rural areas like ours. In order to identify which residence was getting a call, different “rings” were used. For example, our “ring” was all “long rings.” If it was a series of “short rings,” then it was for someone else on the “party” line. I remember when the phone would ring and one of us kids would run to answer it (after all, it could have been a call for “Jake’s Livery Stable”, or something), and the rest of us would yell, “That’s not our ring”! Once and a while we would answer the wrong “ring” and would have to politely say that so and so isn’t here. One of the main problems with a “party” line is that it seemed that every time you wanted to make a call, someone was always “on the line.” You would repeatedly pick up the receiver and hear bits of “news” about who was dating who, some of the endless faults of someone’s husband, how much shortening to use in a cake, updates on “potty training”, etc., etc. There were times, however, when this was very providential, since this probably prevented me from being “sent to the Children’s Home”! When we were older and wanted to hear some “juicy tidbits of gossip,” we would slide a finger under the receiver and unscrew the “talk part” of the receiver and very slowly release the “stem.” This was a real art and sometimes if you didn’t do it perfectly, the people on the line would hear the telltale “click” and very angrily yell, “Get off the line”! Depending on who it was, it would be followed by numerous dire threats and other phrases containing a large variety of profanity and statements doubting our parents’ marital status when we were born! We had a way to take revenge in response to the false statements about our parents. If you positioned the “stem” just right, it would produce a very shrill “squeal” on the line! As I look back, I wonder how many hearing aids had to be purchased in those days by our “party” line inhabitants, heh heh! We sure were “little devils” weren’t we!