Yet another story in my School "Daze" Series:

 

When I posted the picture of the new school cafeteria in my previous story, I noticed one of the schoolroom heaters in the background. This reminded me of our experiences with them when I was in school. Every room in the school had this type of heater. Since they were there when we started the first grade and are still there, they must have been part of the original school building; consequently, they must be very old indeed. They were there when I started the first grade in 1953; therefore, they are at least 53 years old and undoubtedly much older than that. It just occurred to me that I started school over a half  century ago! Woe is me, now I really feel old! L   I'll have to continue writing this story later, since I'm just too depressed to continue right now. In fact, I'm going to take a triple dose of my antidepressants! Now where did I leave the prescription bottle??????

 

… All right, I'm back and do I ever feel gooooood! Hey, so what if I'm over a half a century old, at the moment I just don't care. Let's see, I was talking about the school heaters I believe. Oh yes, I've never seen this type of heater before or since except at school.  They were heated by hot water and had "squirrel cage" blowers at the top under a metal slotted grille. All winter long, they were always on and gave a constant "whoooosh" sound. I don't know how effective they were because I always was, and still am, cold all winter long regardless of the heating system. If I were rich, I would have a giant sauna and spend all winter inside it. Maybe then, I would be warmer. The only problem with this is that I'd probably loose too much weight and be just skin and bones in the Spring, but on the other hand at least I'd be warm(er) all Winter. Since I am so sensitive to the cold, I think that is one reason why I don't like air conditioning to this day. During my working days, the first thing I always did when they turned the central air conditioning on in the summer, was to completely close the AC vent in my office. In contrast to this, during the winter, I always had a portable heater under my desk because as far as I was concerned, the central heating system was never adequate for me. These days, about the only time I'm warm enough on cold winter days is when I'm cleaning my horse stalls and over exerting myself due to the fact that once I start, I rarely stop until I'm finished with all of them. The main reason is that if I stop, I'll realize how sore my back is becoming as a result of a back injury years ago. Rats, I see I'm going off on another tangent again. Back to the main thesis of the story…

 

One really swell special privilege we were granted in grade school was when we were out playing and rolling around in snow during recess and came back wet, we got to sit on top of the heater during class to dry out! Needless to say, some of we guys got as wet as possible to assure our special privileged spot on top of the heater. After every day of doing this during the snowy days, I imagine the teachers became very suspicious. On the other hand, I'm sure they didn't expect us to not to play and roll around in the snow during recess! That, of course, would be diametrically opposed to the nature of young boys. I'm sure they learned this fact of nature in "Teacher's College".  It's too bad all of our High School teachers and principal, Mr. Garland (aka "Bobo"), were never taught this fact of nature for aspiring High School teachers in "Teacher's College"! I can just envision the "Teacher's College" required courses in the curriculum:

 

Required Course for Elementary Teacher Major:

101- Understanding The Nature of Elementary School Boys

 

Required Courses for High School Teacher Major:

101-  How to Give Detention to High School Boys

201- Advanced Study of How to Give Detention to High School Boys

301- How to Determine the Launching Site and Trajectory of Paper Spit Wads.

302- How to Control the Overflow of Hormones in High School Boys (Theoretical Only). Every student taking this course is required to watch the TV program "Mission Impossible" which airs Tuesday nights at 9:00 PM. (The Student TV Lounge in Monty Hall  will remain open until 10:00 PM)

303-  How to Detect Cigarette Smoke in the Boy's Restroom

304- Evaluating the Evidence of Possible Use of a Cherry Bomb When Examing The After Effects of a Toilet Exploson in the Boy's Restroom

401-  Emergency First Aid for High School Girls Who Faint and/or Throw Up in Biology Class while Dissecting Frogs.

402-  Emergency First Aid for High School Boys Who Faint and/or Throw Up in English Class

403-  How to Break Up Food Fights in the School Cafeteria

501- Optional Elective- How to Successfully Teach High School Boys English, Science, Biology, History, etc.  (See above course 302  for details pertaining to this course requirement)

 

Oh my goodness! I really got off on a tangent this time didn't I! Hey! Cut me some slack, its 2:25 in the morning and that triple dose of antidepressants is really starting to kick in now! At this point in time, I don't even know how old I am and don't really care!

 

...The heaters also provided us with a lot of amusement when the teacher was out of the room. We put a sheet of paper over one of the blower ports on top and it would blow the paper up in the air. Our best fun was to fold a sheet of paper and push the end of it through the blower grille and it would hit the revolving "squirrel cage" and make a loud grinding sound like "zzzzzzzzzzzzz…" This was a very risky venture since we were always in danger of having the teacher suddenly come back into the room and catching us. Because of that inherent risk, we usually did this at recess if we came back into the room early when we got too wet and cold, which I routinely did. On other occasions, we used the push tiny objects through the grill which resulted in a grinding sound. When the object was finally ejected inside, it would give a THRITINGGGG sound as it richocheted around the inside.

 

One day, during lunch in the cafeteria, if I recall the location correctly, one of the heater hot water pipes inside the heater ruptured and started to spew hot water all over the floor. I remember the wide shallow rapidly moving river of hot water running across the floor. Eventually Don Goodman, one of the custodians, hurried into the room, and turned off the valve with his gloved hand. There was a thin cloud of steam all over the place as all 3 custodians mopped up all the water.  We all thought that was really exciting and were disappointed when he turned the water off. Oh, that reminds me. Our school buses also had hot water heaters. There were two black rubber hoses that ran along the floor against the side of the bus back to a heater box, which was under the last seat. Either the heaters didn't work, or were woefully inadequate because the bus was always cold. Since we were the first on the bus, I always sat in the seat with the heater box underneath it, but that never seemed to warm me up very much. I guess I did it for the psychological effect. Although I didn't realize it then, I think it was a classic case of "mind over matter", of course with my mind it didn't matter.

 

Well, I've really started to "heat up" now. However, I will now mercifully end this story and give you, my beloved and faithful fans, my "warmest" regards...