Among many other things I've talked about in past
stories, yet another thing one doesn't see anymore is trash burning piles. When
I was a kid, everyone burned their trash whether they lived in the country or
in town. I'm thankful we can still burn stuff out here in our rural areas and as
a result, many of us burn our trash. When I was a kid, we, of course, burned
our trash. We always called it "the fire burner". We had our own
little dump. One of the chores we had as kids, in addition to farm chores, was
taking out the trash to "the fire burner". We always referred to it
as "burning the papers". When
our wastebaskets were in the final state of severe overflow, our mother would
say to Tim or me, "Go burn papers",
or "Take this out to the" fire
burner". There was never any
rhyme or reason as to which one of us had to do it, it was whoever was around
when it was necessary to be done. We never had a chance to make ourselves
scarce since our mother would tell us to do this chore unexpectedly and without
warning. I'm sure this was due to the wisdom of our mother and knowing us. By
asking so unexpectedly, we didn't have time to think up some lame excuse such
as our legs being broken or suffering the final stage of bubonic plague or whatever
else we could have extemporaneously thought of to disqualify us physically. In
those days there were no garbage bags which now days makes this chore much
easier and cleaner. We would take each overflowing wastebasket the 150 feet or
so to the "fire burner". Listed among the immutable laws of nature is
the law that states that when a trip is necessary to the "fire burner",
EVERY wastebasket in the whole house is also simultaneously overflowing, thus necessitating
a separate trip to empty all of them. In turn, when the "fire burner"
was eventually filled to overflowing, it was time to go to the dump. In those
days there were no landfills, there were dumps. Our township dump was on Berlin
Road and we always looked forward to trips there because we had a lot of fun at
the dump. At the end of this story is a link to an earlier story about the dump
and our adventures there.
Actually, once I got all the wastebaskets emptied in
the "fire burner", the fun started. I was always considered to be a
pyromaniac when I was a kid and loved to play with fire. This fact is well
documented in some of my earlier stories. I would grab a can and go to the gas
barrel and fill it up with gasoline, then pour it all over the trash. After
throwing a lit match on the gas-laden pile and getting my eyebrows singed too
many times, I finally learned to make a "fuse trail" of gasoline, and
then light the end of it. I always liked to hear the WHOOOOOSH when the gas
ignited. I always hung around watching the fire consume everything that would
burn. It was also fun to not only watch the fire, but listen to it too. All
kinds of neat sounds would emanate from the blazing inferno. There were all
kinds of funny sounds such as hissing, popping, crackling, and many other odd
sounds that sounded like they came from some otherworldly source. One of the
best things to burn were old tires. The only effective way to start a tire on
fire is by dousing it with a few gallons of gasoline. When the tire would
really get to burning, in addition to all the nifty black smoke that wafted very
high into the atmosphere, there were several humorous sounds. These included thumping,
hissing, popping, and an intermittent high pitch squeal that sounded like the
sound that comes from stretching the opening on the neck of an inflated
balloon. I was always amused that after it burned up, there was a circle of
ashes and a bunch of wires that were used to strengthen the tire around the rim
I assume. Of course, now days, this simple enjoyment of burning a tire would no
doubt be reported to the EPA by some deluded whacko environMENTAList as if burning
a tire would result in the end of the world as we know it. I burned a lot of
tires as a kid, and the earth is still here. If this had resulted in the
pollution of the world, it surely would have happened then from all the
tires I burned. Even if it would have, it would have been worth it because of
all the fun and entertainment I derived from burning them. As I got older, I
burned fewer tires, not because I didn't enjoy it, but eventually I ran out of
extra tires lying around the farm to burn. Besides, my father and Uncle Ned
said they needed the old tires for spares for wagons and farm equipment. With
me around there was always a severe shortage of tires for them to use. When
they ran out, as a result of me burning them all up, Uncle Ned and/or my father
would go to Heckleman's Sohio Station on the corner to get more old tires. Of
course, I eventually burned those up as well which resulted in many trips over
the years to Heckleman's.
As a part of my entertainment, and Tim's too, when he
was around, were things exploding in the fire. Some of the best were shaving
cream cans, for that matter, any aerosol cans. In addition, empty
toothpaste tubes exploded too. In those days they were made from metal and not
the plastic ones now. Light bulbs were also good exploders. However, aerosol
cans produced the ultimate explosions and thus were highly prized items! If we
really wanted to have the ultimate explosion fest, we would grab an old tire
and fill the inside with aerosol cans, toothpaste tubes, light bulbs, and any
other objects that would explode under intense heat. After the tire would get
to really burning, we would wait with gleeful anticipation to hear the
intermittent explosions that sounded like an artillery barrage. We took care to
maintain a good distance away due to shrapnel. In the past, we were hit by some
and quickly learned to keep our distance. Once we threw some .22 shells in the
fire and really got away from it and heard the explosions from a great distance.
Now that I think about it from a much older prospective, that was very
dangerous! As a kid, you think you're immortal and invincible to being injured
or killed.
Speaking of burning, we always had a big brush pile
across the road and would burn it now and then when it got too big. One time
after the large pile burned, we examined the ashes and found some old mason
jars that were partially melted.
Well, I guess I've pretty much "trashed"
this subject. While getting up from the keyboard a little while ago to let the
cat out, I noticed that my kitchen wastebasket is overflowing so I now have to
go "burn papers" in my "fire burner". Among the papers, I think there's a few empty aerosol cans!
No, I'm not going to throw them into my "fire burner" to watch them
explode. I'm going to dig them all out for recycling. OH BOY! I THINK I HAVE A
BURNED OUT LIGHT BULB IN THERE TOO! I'm sure they can be recycled too. My days
of watching things blow up in the "fire burner" are long gone. (Hmmmm,
Do I detect a note of skepticism on the part of you, my loyal readers?????) I'm
a middle age mature adult for goodness sake! Do you really think for a
moment that I still do this! SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!! (Just because I'm thinking of the Fifth
Amendment right now is totally coincidental!!! I have thought of
it thousands of times my whole life. Everyone needs a hobby and one of mine is
thinking about the Fifth Amendment! In addition, just because I occasionally
wear my old flack vest that I was issued when I was temporarily attached to a
Reserve Navy Seabee Unit I wear it to keep me warm in the winter when I go
outside to "burn papers", and this is January! I've kept the
flack vest all these years and make payments on it every April 15th.
Well, time to suit up in my appropriate combat gear to keep warm while
"burning papers"...
Related Story Link:
"Tired" Shave
Cans
