There are hundreds of things from the
past that, much to my sorrow, I do not see anymore these days. One thing is
automobile engines backfiring. Things like this have been eliminated by sophisticated
computers that control engines these days. The thing I'm concerned about,
however; is the possibility of the engine computer getting a virus. Hey, I have
to have something to worry about, that's my nature.
When I was a teenager, none of the
automobile engines had computers or expensive engine diagnosis equipment. The
way we diagnosed engine problems was by our senses. For example, if we heard a knocking
sound then it was a piston rod. I correctly diagnosed this on my 1955 Ford.
After hearing the tell tale knocking sound while on the way home, I just kept
on driving until the engine self-destructed. Fortunately, I was very close to
home when this happened. I figured I would need another engine anyway and I
could get a used one for $50.00 at Oney's Junk Yard, which was only a few miles
from our place. Besides, it was a great bragging point to tell the guys that I
"blew" the engine in my Ford. With all of the drag racing I used to
do, it was inevitable that my engine would eventually blow up. In those days,
we did our own mechanical work. Tim went through 2 engines in his 1958 Ford. I
went through 2 on my 1955 Ford. We just went back to the big oak tree in our
lane and used a block and tackle (sounds like football practice) and set it up and
lifted the engine out then lowered the replacement engine into place. We were indeed
"Shade tree mechanics". As a result of our reckless driving and drag
racing, we became experts at changing engines and gave the oak tree and block
and tackle pulleys a real work out.
In those pre-engine computer days, we could
do some really cool things. Since all teenage guys love to hear engines
backfire, we could produce this anytime we wanted to. The secret we discovered was
that we would pull the vacuum advance hose off the engine. When we sped up to a
stop sign or wanted to slow down for a turn, the coolest backfires would
happen. The best way to maximize this was to speed up before the stop and then
downshift at high speed. The resulting backfires sounded like an old wild west
shoot out. Coooool! Since my beloved 1955 Ford had 2 separate exhaust systems, aka "Duals", I had backfires
in stereo! Back in those days a "dual was cool". Whenever any of us
guys bought an old car, with a single exhaust, the very first order of business
was to convert it to duals. That consisted of cutting off the crossover exhaust
pipe and installing another exhaust system on the opposite manifold. The work
was "exhausting" but worth it. (Now you just knew I couldn't
pass that one up!) You are no doubt "baffled" by my
sharpness. All right, all right, back to
the story...
Since all risky fun has dire consequences,
as our parents and school officials always unsuccessfully tried to tell us,
there were indeed certain consequences for enjoying backfires. This was
especially true for the guys who would cause backfires by turning off the key
while driving on the road, then turning it back on after a few seconds. This
would in turn cause a gigantic loud backfire. The one risk of this was blowing
up the muffler. This happened now and then, but it was worth it to hear the
cool loud backfire. What the heck, we could go to The Norwalk Bargain Center
and get a Cherry Bomb muffler for 5 bucks.
I still long to hear backfires these
days, but unfortunately, my better judgment has so far prevented this desire.
The main reasons for this are that the single (UGGGGH) exhaust system on my
Jeep is stainless steel and would be very expensive to replace if the muffler
blew up. Another reason is that if I were to attempt to remove the vacuum
advance hose (assuming that I could even find it on a modern engine), the
engine computer would flash "Check Engine" and would no doubt prevent
the backfires. Aw rats! Everything seems to prevent having good old fashion fun
these days! Oh, well, since through the years most of my other plans in life
have "backfired", I have at least had some satisfaction in experiencing
"backfires" these days! L
