When I was a kid, one of my favorite days, other than Christmas, was April Fools Day. As one would expect, Tim and I really raised havoc with all kinds of diabolical schemes to make general nuisances of ourselves. Of course, we did this all the time, but April Fools Day made our mischievous antics "official" and sanctioned. As a matter of fact, when I was a kid, every day was April Fools Day as far as I was concerned. Fortunately, as a mature adult, those days are behind me now. APRIL FOOL!!!!! J  It is too bad that very few people, other than me, perhaps, still practice April Fools Day in this day and age. I guess I'm just an old senti"mental" softie.

 

My ultimate April Fool scheme was to switch the salt and the sugar. This caper was originally hatched in my fertile mind with some hilarious results. I was around 8 or 9 when I first did this. Early in the morning on April 1st before anyone was up, I sneaked down to the kitchen and put salt in the sugar bowl and sugar in the saltshaker. My first victim was Tim. He always ate a lot in the morning. He prepared a huge bowl of Shredded Wheat and poured on the milk, then spread a lot of "sugar" on it from the "sugar" bowl. I could hardly contain my laughter and excitement before he took his first spoonful. When he took his first spoon full of Shredded Wheat covered in salt, the result was memorable. His face became contorted and he spit out everything in his mouth at me! It was just like a comedy routine in a movie. Apparently, since it was April 1^st and knowing me, he immediately deduced that I had switched the salt and sugar. Later on that morning, I snagged my next victim. Our father ambled out to the kitchen to make coffee. When he mixed in a spoon full of "sugar" in his coffee, the look on his face was hilarious! Neither Tim nor my father appreciated my April Fool prank.

 

April Fools Day must have been on the weekend that year, because we later went to our Grandmother's place in Norwalk. My capers were still not finished when we got there in the afternoon. My Uncle Dick was there and I ran in to tell him that he had a flat tire. He quickly went out with me to look. When he saw that nothing was flat, I said, "April Fool"!!! He was very relieved upon hearing that. As I recall, I said "April Fool" many times that day. I imagine all the family was relieved when that day was over. Now everyone was assured that they would have a reprieve until the next April Fool Day. Ah, yes, I had another year to think up other jokes to play the next April Fool Day.

 

Now, as I approach my "older years", I have slowed down considerably with my infamous "April Fool" pranks. Alas, I guess I'm finally getting some discretion, maybe. On the other hand, since all of you are wasting your time reading this story: APRIL FOOL!!!!!

 

In this politically correct and paranoid world (thanks to the liberals), there are certain places and situations where it is not at all advisable to inadvertently say certain things on April Fools Day, or any other day for that matter. Some examples follow:

 

On an airplane:  If you are boarding and right before you take your rear seat and you see an old friend named Jack in the front of the plane, don't yell, Hi Jack"!!!

 

On another flight: If you are a playwright critic and someone who is hard of hearing asks you how you liked the latest Broadway play, don't yell, "IT'S A REAL BOMB"!!!

 

In any public school:  If you happen to be in the school building and see an old friend, do not yell, "Hey, you son of a gun"!!!

 

In a fireworks factory:  "Hey, anyone got a match?"

 

In a nitro glycerin factory:  "I'm going to McDonald's. Anyone want a big shake?"

 

In an SPCA shelter:  "There's more than one way to skin a cat!"

 

In a hospital operating room with a patient undergoing an operation with a local anesthetic and you got lost trying to find the visitor's waiting room and walk into the operating room by mistake:  "Oops, I'm in the wrong area".

 

In a public library:  "I'm sorry I'm in a hurry, I'm overdue for an appointment." (I wrote this just for you, Wendy J)

 

At an electrical substation:  "I'm the main contact here."

 

At an NAACP convention mistakenly thinking you're at your annual stockholders meeting:  "Hey everyone! I'm in the black!"

 

Mistakenly walking into a leftist liberal democrat convention while looking for your company convention room:  "Is this the right place?"

 

At a knife factory:  "I'm not sure of the correct  answer to your question, but I'll take a stab at it."

 

At any Technical Support center and you mistakenly think you are at a coin show:  "Hey everyone, look at all these Indian heads!"

 

In a hospital emergency ward waiting room:  "Hey look, another bleeding heart liberal!"

 

In front of me:  "You're just crazy about writing stories aren't you!"

 

PLEASE CHECK YOUR SALT SHAKERS AND SUGAR BOWLS ON APRIL 1st!

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!

 

BONUS FEATURE FOR MY LOYAL READERS AND FANS FROM MY ORIGINAL DAILY WORDS OF WISDOM DEPARTMENT:

"Never walk into a needle factory with an inflated ego".