Among God's wondrous creation of the human body are the adrenal glands. These glands have more than once bailed me out of immediate trouble. They serve as a kind of an "after burner boost" when one faces a "fight or flight" situation. In my past experiences, it has been around 1% "fight" and 99% "flight".  The adrenal glands pump a sort of "high test jet fuel" into the bloodstream that gives supernatural strength and speed. The reaction is similar to Popeye eating spinach and getting instant speed and strength when he is faced with a dangerous situation with Bluto. Like everyone else, at certain times in our lives we have been in perilous situations where we had to call on our adrenal glands to bail us out. The following account describes my most memorable situation when my adrenal glands got a real workout.

 

During my early teen years, I used to help a family friend Roger Waite. His wife was a dance instructor and had her studio upstairs in an old building in downtown Norwalk. During the first few weeks of summer, I helped Roger prepare for the yearly big dance recital in the Norwalk High School gym. I also served as a stagehand during the recital. My wages for missing out on about 2 to 3 weeks of early summer was that in exchange for helping, I received free dancing lessons from his wife all year. Looking back, I'm not real sure who got the best end of that deal. Among the dance types she taught was Ballet and Modern Jazz. I always opted for modern Jazz since I didn't think I would look good in a tutu.  One year, I not only took dancing lessons all year, but also got to be in the recital itself. This was in addition to working on the recital preparation. Would that I had that same energy now. Fred Astaire need not have worried since I wasn't that good of a dancer anyway. However, being on the stage with all the lights and the performing gave me the acting bug. Alas, nothing ever became of it.

 

Now that I have given some background by way of introduction, I shall now get to the subject at hand. This notable and inauspicious event happened one summer while I was helping Roger Waite with the dance recital preparation. This incident is vividly and forever imprinted on my mind as if it happened yesterday. Roger was always sending me to go to downtown Norwalk to pick up constructions odds and ends. This particular time he sent me to the hardware store to purchase some hinges. Pay attention now because my entire story "hinges" on this account. (I just can't help myself with the silly great puns can I. It is due to the suppressed acting desire within me.

 

When I was a kid and later a teenager, I was a real "wise guy". As I approach my later years I have become a "guy that's wise". (Rebuttals can be emailed to me at this address: WiseGuy@GetBent.Turkey.com.)

 

On my "gopher hinge run", I was ambling down the sidewalk in downtown Norwalk on the way to the hardware store. I passed a bunch of older high school kids. When the group of guys was about 50 feet past me, for some unknown reason I turned around and yelled, HEY YOU! When they turned around and saw me, they immediately started to run toward me. They caught up to me right in front of Woolworth's "Dime Store". I immediately ducked inside the store figuring they wouldn't follow me into the store. Well, they did! They appeared plenty mad that some wise guy kid they didn't know would have the nerve to "wise off" to them. I walked down an aisle and they cut me off from both ends. I pretended to be shopping and then they surrounded me. They kept on saying to me, "Alright wise guy, let's go outside". I knew that they were planning on beating the daylights out of me! I stalled for quite awhile by repeated saying no at their repeated demand to go outside. Since the store was busy, I knew I'd be safe as long as I stayed in the store. I just slowly kept walked around the store as they followed me around. After quite awhile of this, I thought about running out of the store and trying to outrun them, but doubted I could run that fast. Instead, I kept stalling. They finally gave up and left the store. After waiting awhile, I went up to the door and looked up and down the sidewalk. After close scrutiny and not seeing any of them, I cautiously and very slowly went back out to the sidewalk. About 70 feet or so away from me, I saw the guys walking away down the sidewalk. It was apparent that they must have found something better to do instead of waiting "in the wings" for some "wise guy kid" who "mouthed off to them". I turned toward them and of course again yelled, "HEY YOU!!!" at them. They turned and started running toward me. This time I REALLY got them enraged at my nerve for being a wise guy the second time!

 

I started to run back to the safety of the high school to get back to the adults who surely would drive off the group (i.e. gang) of enraged guys who were no doubt planning to kill me this time. As I started to run, do to my intense fear of my sure killing and maiming, my adrenal glands kicked in with an adrenalin overdose. I started to run the fastest I ever have in my life. I didn't even turn my head to look back. I ran so fast that the wind was blowing my hair and the wind was roaring past my ears! I don't know how fast I was running, but it had to be extremly fast! I have no doubt that I would have passed Jessie Owens running at full speed with a 200 feet head start! When I got to the front of the high school, I finally turned my head and looked back. The group of guys was standing around panting at least 300 feet or more from me!

 

Oh, by the way, I never did get the hinges on that trip since I had other more important things on my mind, namely, self-preservation. I told a "white lie" to Roger that the hardware store was out of the particular type of hinges he needed and that they would get more in the next day or two.

 

After that incident, and for evermore, I have thanked God for His wondrous creation of the adrenal glands, which protects wise guys like me!

 

SPECIAL BONUS!

As a courtesy service to my many devoted fans, I am including an Mp3 sound byte that you can use to experience the thrill of adrenalin! Download the file from the link below and install it in your Mp3 player. When you see a bunch of tough looking teenage boys coming down the sidewalk, play this file. Hint: It will be the most effective if you plug your Mp3 player into a big external speaker with the volume turned up as high as it will go. To get the maximum effect, obtain a big amplified speaker from the back seat of any teenager's car.