Looking back and comparing notes, I think kids today
have a lot more interesting subjects in school than we did. Can those of us who
went to school in the 1950's and 60's imagine having computers and the
Internet! Not to mention CD's and DVD's! When both my daughters were in school,
I would go to all their school music programs such as the Spring Concert and
Christmas Program, etc. The first time I saw their program, I was amazed and
pleased that they did all kinds of choreography! They marched in all different
directions and danced and all were wearing sharp matching outfits. The stage
was adorned with all types of colorful decorations and sets. When I was in
school, our music programs consisted of us standing on risers on a plain
unadorned stage and just singing. All we guys and girls were clad in black
pants and white shirts. All the girls, of course, wore black skirts. All during
school, all the girls only could wear skirts and never slacks, not to mention
jeans! I don't think I've ever seen any of my girl classmates in slacks. I was
especially pleased when my daughters' programs would consist of
"oldies" music, which to them was 50's and 60's music, which, of course,
was "music to my ears" as I grooved out on "my music". When
I sang in the high school chorus, we just sang the standard music that Lawrence
Welk would sing. We never got to sing "oldies". Of course, back than,
the "oldies" would have been the words to Glenn Miller Big Band
sounds which would no doubt have caused all the "old" people to get
up and jitterbug in the aisles. Oh, wait, this story is about diagramming isn't
it? Well, I guess I'd better finally get to the subject at hand...
I wonder if kids these days still diagram sentences in
English class. Along with giving oral book reports, getting up in front of our
English class to go to the blackboard and diagram a sentence was two of many
things that instilled fear within me. When I was called on when it was my turn,
my stomach tightened up the closer I got to the blackboard. It was what a condemned
killer must feel walking "the last mile" to the electric chair. I'm
sure this was one of many conspiracies by the teachers to cause us great fear
and trepidation, which no doubt fed their sadistic tendencies. Whenever we did
anything on the blackboard, we had to stand there with the eraser behind our
back. This no doubt was because all the teachers figured we would make several
mistakes due to the pressure of being in front of the whole class, and it was
more convenient for us to have the eraser handy in our non-writing hand. Being ambidextrous,
I can write with either my right or left hand on a blackboard. Sometimes I
would use my left hand and sometimes my right one just to puzzle the teachers.
I figured I had a right to a little pleasure too when they were reveling in their
sadism. I had many other things I did to get back at the sadistic teachers too.
Most of these are classified "top secret" until the year 2019 when
they can be declassified which will ensure all my old teachers will not be
living by then. Oh, all right, I'll give you just one other one since I am on
the subject of English class. In the 8th grade, we had an undisputed
sadistic teacher, Mrs. Gaich. She's still living so if any of you run
into her, don't tell her about this! As I mentioned in previous stories, I
never applied myself in school because I just didn't give a darn. However, in
spite of this, English was always my best subject in spite of my attitude. Mrs.
Gaich got tired of the slow kids that just couldn't learn the parts of speech
and how to diagram sentences in her English class. As a result, she separated
those kids into a "special group" and took them into a separate room
to give additional instructions hopefully to help them learn the parts of
speech and how to diagram sentences. I tagged along with them. After all of us
were seated, Mrs. Gaich noticed me among them and said, "Michael, you don't need to be here. You are doing very well in
English". She then excused me to go back to the rest of the class.
Yeah, I just tagged along with the "slow" kid group just to aggravate
her, while appearing completely "innocent" of course. Heh Heh. Oh,
hey, another time I.... Whoa, I'll write about that after 2019. Well, if you
MUST know about some of the "mind games" and stunts I pulled on the
teachers, you can fill out the attached "Application for a Top Secret Clearance For Access to Descriptions of
How I Subtly Got Back At My Sadistic Teachers While Appearing Totally Innocent" When you have finished
this story, just follow the link on the bottom of the page.
I have often wondered what the practical reason was to
have us learn how to diagram sentences. It certainly wasn't meant to enable us
to talk properly. If we had taken diagramming literally, then every
sentence we speak would sound like this: "
I'm, parentheses subject, so glad, parentheses prepositional phrase to see,
parentheses verb, you, parentheses direct object, Sidney, parentheses predicate
noun. I, parentheses subject "ain't, parentheses no such word parentheses ,seen, parentheses incorrect case it should
be haven't seen you, parentheses direct object in a long time, parentheses
prepositional phrase. I, parentheses subject, nominative case haven't never,
parentheses double negative which makes a positive it should be have never
visited parentheses verb you parentheses direct object. In addition, literally
diagramming sentences for every sentence we say could be fatal at times. For
example: "Help parentheses adjective I'm having a heart attack!!!
.I don’t know what part of speech that is, Oh never mind calling 911 right now,
wait until I diagram it and try to say it properly..." I have to wonder if they made us learn
how to diagram sentences, that maybe they did that to raise our mortality rate
because they believed the world was over populated? It sure makes me wonder!
Well, parentheses exclamation I parentheses subject
nominative case am going parentheses verb to end parentheses verb this
parentheses adjective story parentheses direct object quickly parentheses adverb. parentheses period
at the end of a declarative sentence.
