| After a long recess, it's time to get back to another pig story! This is one of the "Classic Pig Stories" in both Tim's and my oral story cache. It's good that I'm finally putting this and the several other oral stories in written form so they will live on in hyperspace long after we are gone. Good Grief! I'm talking like all the "old people" we used to eschew as kids! Anyhoooo... when we were kids, among all the countless pigs we had through the years, some really stand out! One such one was a boar we named "Earless Earl". He aquired this moniker because when he was a young piglet, the other pigs started to eat him up! Uncle Ned rescued him just in time and administered first aid to his many wounds, including the bloody elongated gapping wounds where his ears were. That's as far as the cannibal pigs got before his rescue, litterally from the "jaws of death" by Uncle Ned. (I just can't imagine what made all the pigs so mean that they eventually even turned on each other). Ned took a special interest in Earless Earl and isolated him and the rest of the litter from the rest of the pigs until he and the others were big enough to defend themselves from the onslaught of attacks and join the "general population". Of course, true to our reputation, Tim and I relentlessly teased him along with all the others and made him as mean as them! One day Earless Earl was taken sick, so Ned isolated him again and tended to his every need since he had a personal interest in him from his previous terror. He had developed a severe infection in his "sheaf" (i.e. "foreskin"). Hey, it was bad enough that we had to help to castrate them when they were just newborns, I don't even want to think of trying to circumcise ANY when they were full-grown!). Eventually the infection developed so badly, that it completely sealed up the open end of his foreskin and resulted in his whole "sheaf" blowing up like a large water balloon from the pressure of backed up urine! Any one else would have called the vet by now, but not Uncle Ned! He figured he could treat Earless Earl himself! The "treatment" came very soon when one afternoon Ned (after he was really "boozed up" from his omnipresent bottle of "Dark Port" wine he kept in his hip pocket) enterd the barn with a razor blade and made an incision to "release the pressure". Well, his treatment worked to perfection! Immediately after pricking the extremely inflated thin sheaf skin, it exploded like a giant waterfilled balloon and showered Ned with several ounces of pig urine! The result caused Earless Earl to instantly die of shock! |
